ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
