Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
