how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
