I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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