I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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