Cold hands, warm shart.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
