so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
