quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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