He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
