My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
