So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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