I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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