I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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