I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
