I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Houston, we have a blender
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
