Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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