I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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