Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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