When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
