I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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