she smelled like a LAN party
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
