How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
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