I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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