I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
