Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
