4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize