; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
