what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
