Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
