end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
