Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
