The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
