at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
