just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
so much tequila, so little girl.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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