Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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