Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
