I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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