Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
