Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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