I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I enjoy the company of your penis
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
