Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
