Nicole vs. Life
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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