I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
