Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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