I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
