I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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