literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
