So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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