I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My vagina just recognized that song.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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