that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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