They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
