Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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