Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
