Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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