I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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