4 words: hood of his car
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
