Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
