After last night, I could never be a politician.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Rumble strips road head = magical
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
