I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
