Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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