So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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