I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
