I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
