Don't you send me to vm
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize