I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She said her name was "party"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
