I'd wear matching sweaters with you
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
