Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
