So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
