I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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