Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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