the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
