great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
