you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
