Your face is a jimmy john
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
whose parrot is this?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
